Know Your Limits
Writer’s block has been an issue for me lately, which is why anyone out there who visits regularly might have noticed giant gaps between posts here. Well the other day I was looking for inspiration and I did something that I’m ashamed to admit I hadn’t done for a while: I returned to the Tao Te Ching. Ron Hogan’s “Getting Right with Tao” specifically because every single line of that book makes my brain pop with inspiration to write.
I came across Chapter 13 which has a message that you probably won’t see too many other places, it teaches the need for balance of everything, even winning and losing. This might be counter intuitive since one might ask “how could winning all the time be a bad thing?”
Well that’s a good question, let’s explore it a bit, shall we? Without further ado I present Chapter 13 of the Tao Te Ching from “Getting Right with Tao”:
Winning can be just as bad as losing.
Confidence can mess you up
just as much as fear.
What does
“winning can be just as bad as losing” mean?
If you’re down,
you might be able to get up.
But if you’re up,
you can get knocked down real fast.
Don’t worry about the score,
just do what you have to do.
What does
“confidence can mess you up
just as much as fear” mean?
Fear can keep you
from getting the job done,
but confidence
can get you in over your head.
Walk tall, but don’t get cocky.
Know your limits,
and nothing can ever hold you back.
Deal with what you can.
The rest will follow.
This chapter is particularly good practical advice for modern living, who doesn’t need a reminder to keep our egos in check sometimes?
I’m not going to sit here and say that fear and losing are fantastic things, just like I’m not going to say how confidence and winning are terrible things. All of these things in excess can be bad, and like everything else in life we need to learn how to balance them out properly.
Know your limits is wisdom that I’ve followed most of my life, though I usually would just say “know thyself” instead.
Allow me to be perfectly clear here, yes, you have limits to what you can do. I can hear the war cries of “I HAVE NO LIMITS!” chanting in your head for some of you with a healthy amount of self-confidence and that’s AWESOME! I love that. Before you completely write me off though, bear with me, I’m not done explaining myself yet!
As I was saying, yes, you have limits to what you can do right now. Those limits are not fixed though! You will always improve throughout your life and by doing so you will be pushing the limits to what you can accomplish. As you push them you will have more and more that is possible for you, but you’ll still always have limits of some kind that you need to work to improve.
When you convince yourself you have no limits, that’s when it gets dangerous. When your confidence out weighs your better judgement, that’s when you think that you’re capable of dead lifting 300 pounds when the most you’d previously maxed out at is 150. You’re going to get yourself hurt or killed with that kind of attitude.
When you know your limits though, you know that nothing within them is impossible for you to do, and so nothing can hold you back from that. As you work successfully within your limits you push them further and further and once again, nothing can hold you back or stop you.
What happens when you encounter something that is beyond your capability to deal with? Well don’t worry about it and instead focus on what you can do. Almost every large problem can usually be broken down into smaller, more manageable, problems. Continue to break down things down into pieces you can deal with and you’ll see everything work out just fine.
So what’s the moral of the story here? What’s the real take away? Don’t live to win, don’t stop living because you lost, have confidence in yourself but know your limits, and if you do then nothing will be able to stop you.
Really like this sentiment – I have kids, and one of the biggest things I’m trying to teach them is that fine balance between fear and confidence.
When they run a race or take a test I don’t want them to limit themselves with fear, or to be crushed by disappointment – to “stop living because they lost”.
Similarly, I don’t want them to be cocky and pushy and to consider winning as the only thing that matters.
My daughter in particular is like I was as a child – an overthinker. Watching her agonise about whether she can sing nicely enough or run fast enough or swim well enough breaks my heart. If I could give her any gift I would want her to understand to the core of her being that I am proud of her no matter what, and for her to feel the same pride in herself and to just go out there and not care whether she wins or loses.
But it’s hard. Keeping the balance between caring too much and caring too little (I still want my kids to get an education, and to learn basic skills, and not to drift through life on a cloud of apathy) is tough. And in a society dominated by winning and competition can you raise someone to not care where they place? Is it even possible?
I don’t know what the answer is. But I think you’re right – maybe the one thing I think I gained most from the tao te ching is the importance of self knowledge – knowing your limits and knowing what you’re about.
Anyway, that’s really longwinded. Sorry. I liked the post.
Thank you for your comment, no need to apologize for it’s length
I have complete faith that it is absolutely possible to raise someone not to care where they place as long as you instill in them the values of still giving it their best shot.
I don’t have kids and I know better than to give advice on the matter of raising children when I haven’t done it myself. I can only suggest what I’d say to anyone, child or adult, on the matter of not caring where to place.
Being content and happy with yourself despite whether you got first or not comes from a place of knowing you did exactly what you had to do to the best of your abilities. Beyond that there’s literally, by it’s very nature, nothing more you can do so why stress out about something you’ve got no more control over? Instead either feel glad where your abilities got you, or feel excited after seeing others more skilled than you and use that as motivation to reach their level.
This comes from learning a valuable lesson of doing what you have to do and moving on. Do the work then step away when it’s complete because anything else is just going to drive you crazy. I would say this lesson is just as important to be taught as balancing confidence and fear.
I’m hoping for the best for you and yours, and thanks for the comment it provides a terrific topic to consider!
thanks – it’s good to be able to have this kind of conversation.
as you’ll see if you clicked on my blog, I’m basically like a british proto-version of you, going through a similar process but a long way behind you in trying to get down that road.
I’m similarly trying to find ways of living normal life ‘right with the tao’ and have made my first steps down the path of learning martial arts these past couple of years.
you rarely hear people talk about taoism in everyday life (certainly not the way some other belief systems are talked about openly). and i live taoism enough to understand why that is – I myself never talk about my beliefs out loud or try and draw attention to them or foist them on other people.
the downside of that is that sometimes you need a bit of guidance or someone else’s perspective on things and it’s hard to find. for that reason i find your blog a really good read and it’s much appreciated.
have a look at the posts i’ve written the last couple of days, i’d be interested to hear your thoughts on them – and if i take inspiration from your comments i’ll be sure to broadcast that to my audience of… ok it’s about 3 people at this point.
anyway, thanks again.